Encounters of the meditative kind

The first time I sat down for meditation I was frustrated from the word go. It was in high school, yoga class. There was a special session on meditation. The instructor told us to sit cross-legged, close our eyes and think of nothing. Think of nothing?!

No sooner had I panicked about this than thoughts of all shapes, sizes and colours descended on my brain en masse. Yesterday's schoolwork, today's homework tomorrow's test, friend troubles, mom troubles - all thoughts of the bad kind too! Added to that, my legs were beginning to ache, my nose itched, my earlobe tickled and I was starting to get hungry. I tried(hard!) to push these distractions away, but in vain; they only came back stronger than before. The rest of the session was spent miserably, thinking of delicious veg puffs at the bakery, hands trembling from wanting to itch parts of my body(moving was forbidden). I came out of the class more stressed than 13 year old me had ever been. I vowed never to try this again. All these things were for sadhus and gurus and all those people, people who had the stomach for this torture. Not for me, ya.

Luckily, that was the only session on meditation for the year; we were asked to do it daily at home though. As if! Yoga classes were cancelled next year and karate classes were introduced.

Years later, just after PU, I found myself sitting down again for a group guided meditation session. I don't remember why; maybe I wanted to give it another chance. The instructor was less strict this time. I could move, adjust my position if I wanted to. Scratch if I wanted to. There was no embargo on visiting thoughts - all I was asked to do was 'observe the thoughts and let them go'. It was actually easier than I thought. A minute into the session, my mind was chock-a-block with thoughts. Some of them were downright weird. Funny what the mind thinks, when you actually listen. I observed them one-by-one, and let them go. It was hard to keep the judgement out, though. Soon however, my mind was relatively empty. Ohhhhh... so this is meditation. I came out calm and peaceful.

I started practising meditation regularly a year ago. Initially I practised Version 1:

The rules: there are no rules. I could do it sitting, standing, lying down. I could move my hands, legs, whatever. Eyes open or close. The main thing was to consciously relax my brain. I did this by chanting.

It wasn't exactly a walk in the park. The main problem, apart from distractions, was emotion. Some thoughts that I thought had emotional weight, and soon I'd be feeling happy, sad or angry. More sad and angry than happy. Not an ideal relaxed state.

So, I honed the practice to Version 2. This is more or less what I follow even today:

There were some rules this time, coz, of course, there have to be rules, right?

1) Sit comfortably, or lie down comfortable in a place with minimum distractions. The standing thing was not working out. I can't believe I couldn't figure that out right away.

2) Do not cross legs or hands. I didn't know the significance of this then, but yet this was a rule.

3) Close eyes. There are other ways to meditate like staring at a faraway place, or at a candle, but closing the eyes works for me, so..

4) Focus on breath. Breathe slowly. Count if you want to. Again there are other methods, like observing thought or sensations, chanting, etc, but the breath thing works for me, so..

5) It's OK to think thoughts, feel feelings, to emote. Just observe the thoughts and pass them by, like you're watching the traffic go from your high rise balcony. If you find yourself straying, no need to berate yourself. Just refocus on breath.

Few things I've learned from meditation practice. This is only from practice, and so, these are my personal opinions. Not expert advice, mind you. Until very recently, I thought nothing of meditation. I was aware that there was a whole world out there but didn't want to know more. Like gardening, or TV soaps. Also, I've not read extensively on meditation; I'm no scholar.

1) It's personal: There is no one right way. There is not set of rules. It's different for everyone. As a beginner you can begin a certain way as taught, and as you practise, fine-tune it to what suits you. The rule of thumb is: you should be feeling good.

In fact, there are so many kinds of meditation out there today. Pick and choose, or make up your own!

A note on hand positions and breathing techniques: Personally, I'm felixible on this. I don't always have the same hand position, sometimes I just rest my hand on my thigh. Same goes for breathing technique, although I find exhaling with my mouth more relaxing. However, specific positions and techniques have specific benefits, I've heard. Google shall help.

2) Benefits and expectations Yes, meditation improves concentration and focus. Yes, it makes you calmer and mitigates stress.* Yes, it is a fantastic spiritual experience. Yes, it boosts creativity in an amazing way.

No, you will not magically become tolerant, calm, Buddha by practising it a few times. No, it doesn't suddenly turn you psychic. No, it doesn't automatically banish all your life problems; that is still you mess to clean up.

I started meditation by having absolutely no expectations. I'm surprised(and continue to be so) by all that it's given me. However, if you must expect, it's important to have the right expectations. Most days, I meditate only for one reason; it feels dang good.

Meditation, like any other good practice, builds incrementally. It takes practice. Don't give up because the first time sucked. Every time you do it, you get better, and get more from the experience. Also, meditation, like any other good practice, depends on consistency. One time doesn't last your whole life. Even if for 5 minutes, I ensure that I do it everyday.

Lastly, comparisions. Oh, how we compare! 'Nothing seems to be happening to me. Everybody else seems to love it. Maybe meditation's not for me.'

Don't compare your experience to the next person. It's like comparing your life's journey to another's; that's not the point. If you are where you are, you are where you are. Everybody moves at his own pace.

* A thought-banishing tip: Sometimes, I imagine that I have no past, no future. All there is, is the current moment. Since most thoughts are about what happened and what might happen, most of my thoughts just fall away. Needs some effort, though. Also, after some practise, you learn to separate thoughts and emotions from yourself. You're calm through distressing memories, as if there's a bullet-proof glass wall in between. I don't have evidence, but I feel maybe this is the cause of all those benefits.

3) To chant or not to chant? Some people like to chant during meditation. Many chant religious mantras, like 'Om namah shivaya'. I rarely chant. When I do, I pick random words, like 'Peace' or 'Orange'. Yes, I chant in English :) Like said, whatever works for ya.

4) Meditation and Prayer: My Dad prays everyday. Twenty minutes in the morning, twenty minutes in the evening. He'll say he's praying, but that is also a kind of meditation. He focuses his mind on a particular prayer. He says he feels calm after his prayers. Many people choose to pray, or talk to God while they meditate. Some people say it helps them focus better. As long as it's positively affecting you, anything's fine.

5) Trance, trance baby! Yes, I've gone into trances. (Should I call it a trance? It's this thing where you rise up from your body- it's not describable. The word 'trance' comes closest to it.) Mostly it happens in a group meditation; the combined energy and all that. Sometimes, it happens for no apparent reason, suddenly. Whatever the case is, trances are fun! Some people have told me that they don't remember anything afterwards, but I do. I'm aware of it when it happens, as it happens, and when it stops happening. The first time I went into a trance, I was so delighted that as soon as I became aware of it, I came crashing down.

6) Learning: Meditation opened up another world for me. It was a stepping stone for me to explore other stuff, stuff that I previously had no belief in. But once I saw what meditation offers - hey, if sitting and breathing slowly can cause all this, then...well, maybe there is more that I don't know than I thought. In any case, my journey's just beginning..